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Skeeter Kitefly's Sugardaddy Confessor
a novel by P. S. Ehrlich
Click here to download the Split Infinitive Edition of Skeeter Kitefly's Sugardaddy Confessor
PART ONE:
The Connections & The Confessions
The Ups and Downs of Skeeter Kitefly
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
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Skeeter Kitefly's Sugardaddy Confessor
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Skeeter Kitefly's
Titular Assets
COMPACTIFICATION
behind the scenes
RoBynne O'Ring's
GRUNTS OF
PASSION
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Last Updated
August 08, 2008
I—Merely SAD
A deflated young teacher/cartoonist
named
Peyton Derente is bowled over
by Skeeter Kitefly—and her astounding
proposals.
“...What I want is, is, is—like a confessor. Yeah! What a shame
your name’s not Edward—see, that’s an educated kind of joke, right? An
ignoramus wouldn’t have made a joke like that. And before you say what I
really need is a minister-priest-or-rabbi you should know I’m not that kind
of girl, I mean I was a Chinese Communist for awhile but other than that I’m
not that religious. What I really need—”
“Is for me to be your own personal sugardaddy
confessor.”
“ExACTly!...”
Click here to read
"Merely SAD" (Sugardaddy version) in E-book format
(If you don't have Adobe Acrobat Reader, click here to download it)
II—Proud to Be Short
In the first of
seven monologues,
Skeeter boasts about her origins,
hyperness, compactitude,
and
"cutiepiety."
...Being all compactified like this, I just can’t help but be
extra-intensively alive. Which explains how come I’ve got these
sunspot-baby-blue eyes and this incendiary blonde hair, and all this pixie
dust in my brainpan and this bounce bounce bounce in my zap! flash! step—and
why it’s my duty to be cute. Buttoncute, that is. A cuuuutie-pie,
as they say...
Click here to read
"Proud to Be Short" online in
Unlikely Stories
III—The Center of All Eyes
While dining
with Peyton at the Addis
Ababa, Skeeter (in an improvised
harem outfit)
talks about her need for
attention, distinction, and recognition.
...‘Course, that has its drawbacks too. Even now, when I’m practically
a quarter-century old, these big fat matron-types go out of their way to
squnch hell out of my face. They take it like this, in their big fat
matron-paw, and go [nutcracker sound effect] to it. And then
they always say, “What a PRECIOUS little face!” And every time I want to
tell them, “Well no wonder, there’s PRECIOUS little face left when you get
done squnching it!” (I mean I want to say that, but it comes out
“Mrmph
glub shmug...”)
Click here to read
"The Center of All Eyes" online in
Ten Thousand Monkeys
IV—Lustdaze
Over a jug
of sangria, Skeeter goes on
about romance, intimacy, Sven-types,
and the
significant difference between
flirting and teasing.
...Speaking of blows and the Nothingbutt Theater, this really ugly but
supertalented guy named Joe Biggins and I once did that wonderful sex scene
from Jane Eyre for them. You know: “I’ve got a blow—I’ve got
a blow, Jane!” “Oh, lean on me, sir!” So here I am staggering around under
Joe, who goes and drapes himself over me; it was disgusting but
hilarious. Hee hee hee! “My little friend!” sighs Joe. “Thank you, sir!”
gasps me. “Tell me what to do, I’ll try at least to do it!” Hee hee hee
hee hee!…
Click here
to read
"Lustdaze" as it appeared online in
Wilmington Blues
V—The Quicker to Anger
After sharing a
pizza and a six-pack
and news about her sister Sadie,
Skeeter prepares to lay
bare her own
darkest secret.
...I’ve never told anyone any of this before. Not even Sadie.
I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
But I will say this.
It hurt, it hurt like hell, but it could’ve been a lot,
lot worse. Right? So no tears shed. See? No tears. I swore I’d
never cry about him. And I haven’t, ever. Not once...
Click
here
to read
"Never Cry"
(an excerpt from "The Quicker to Anger")
as it appeared online in
Organic Literature Experiment
Click
here
to read
"Pizzazz"
(another excerpt from "The Quicker to Anger") online in
Ten Thousand Monkeys
VI—Like a Couple of Horses
A subdued Skeeter reminisces about
growing up
(somewhat) in Marble
Orchard, and the compensations of
good food and
horseflesh.
...You know those people who say if you get something really weird off your
chest, you’ll quit dreaming about it? Those people are wrong.
So I
got out of bed and headed for the oven—not to stick my head in it, but to
bake swirls. My first in months; it’s been too hot out to be baking in.
Wasn’t so bad in the wee hours. I shocked the beejeebers out of Sadie,
though; she thought wacky burglars had got into the kitchen...
Click here to read
"Like a Couple of Horses" as it appeared online in
The Sidewalk's End
VII—The Envy of the
Neighborhood
Switching from vodka to lemonade,
Skeeter
tells more about Marble
Orchard, feeling restless and wasteful,
and the need
to break through.
...And not just to be trendy, either—but To Be. And How To Be.
That
is refreshing. When you can stand in front of a mirror again, staring
yourself square in that eye you’re keeping open; and it doesn’t really
matter what you’ve got on (it can be nothing at all!) so long as you can say
and think and feel and mean:
Getta loada me now!
‘Cause then
you can quit your yappin’ and MAKE it happen, any old how…
Click here to read
"The Envy of the Neighborhood" as it appeared
online
in
The Sidewalk's End
VIII—Lapsing into Indolence
Laid low
with cramps, Skeeter talks about Death—but cheers up after a
nap
and returns
to Life, especially as
enhanced by
just-imagine make-believe.
...So
howzabout I take you out, right now, and you treat me to midnight ham ‘n’
eggs? Ooh and some poppyseed muffins! Aw c’mon—so what if it is a “school
night,” or that we have to be at work in eight-or-so hours? It’s not like
I’m asking for breakfast in bed or anything. Let’s have a bit of fun!
That’s a practical ambition, isn’t it? I mean, without practical
ambition we’d just be stumblebums and doodlesquats, right? Attaboy!
Let’s go. I hope you know some good all-night eateries around here...
Click here to read
"Lapsing into Indolence" as it appeared online in
Pulse Literary Magazine
The Skeeter Kitefly Website
Copyright © 2002-2008
by P. S. Ehrlich; All Rights Reserved.
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